See, I am a writing coward. Seriously. I’m not saying that to be funny.  It’s something I know about myself. I experience a ton of anxiety when I write because I view each assignment as a test of my ability. And I fear discovering that I suck at writing. Now before you laugh at me for this, consider how I got into this mindset. I have pursued the dream of professional writing for fifteen years and have made a lot of sacrifices to achieve it. For a decade and a half I have had to carve out hours and hours in my schedule to devote to the craft. That means getting up at the crack of dawn. That means not traveling very much. That means that on countless weekends, while other guys were out meeting girls, I stayed in and metaphorically made out with my laptop. I gave up all of these things and many others because I want to be a good writer. So I’m regularly haunted by the notion that if I fail to reach my goal, then all of my sacrifices were in vain, which makes me a single, thirty-something nobody who has to… I don’t know, become a telemarketer. Well, I don’t want to be a telemarketer. I fear being a telemarketer (sorry telemarketers; that job just seems like a real bummer to me). So every time I write – even now as I type out this blog – there is an insidious voice in my head that whispers, “Don’t fail. Don’t fail. Don’t fail.” I listen to that stupid voice all the time and guard myself against the failure it forebodes. Usually I do this by refusing to risk writing something bad, which means waiting to put any words on the page until I know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that they will be incredible. So I wait for great ideas. And wait. And wait.

The irony is that acting on my fear of failure contributes most to my failure, because writing is all about risk-taking. See, I realize now (especially from working on Robot Chicken) that good ideas never spring up, pristine, in my mind, before I begin. Instead, I actually have to take the risky leap of faith – to start the writing process, clutching an anvil of clichés and lame concepts, and hope that in the free fall my brain will make the observations and connections that will save me. Sometimes I succeed; sometimes I fail. But when I don’t take the risk, my success rate drops to zero.

Pablo Picasso once said, “Inspiration exists, but it must find us working,” and my experience confirms he was right. All the times that I spend fearing bad writing, I end up staring at my computer getting stressed out. But when I accept that the writing might suck and get started, I often come across a little nugget of inspiration that unlocks my creativity. Nothing happens until I start the process though, and I can’t do that until I stop being afraid that I might suck. That’s just the hard and beautiful truth of it.

So, to any aspiring writers out there, please give yourself permission to be bad at the craft. When you get worried that your ideas suck, start anyway. My experience tells me that that’s just the way it goes.

All right, I think I’ve pushed the boundaries of sincerity as far as a Robot Chicken blog can bear. I’m off to write poop jokes.

-BEANS

A: I am the composer and songwriter on Robot Chicken. This is my second season with the crew now. I write the songs for the series and produce them with the guys, and write all the underscore – dramatic score – and do a lot of the sessions if there’s a singer or extra instrumentalists that are hired.

Q: How did you end up on Robot Chicken?

A: Good question! I had never seen the first four seasons of Robot Chicken – but then I caught a couple skits, and once I saw it I immediately said to myself “Why am I not composing on that show?” It was like a bell went off. So I went after a couple of the producers, and I contacted them, and they knew of me and my work. After they saw my website and heard my music, I came in and met with Chris McKay, who was the director at the time, and some of the writers – I think Tom Root – and they were about to launch Titan Maximum. I wrote a couple of original pieces for them and they hired me. It was incredibly easy, and it never happens that way in Hollywood. Ever.

Q: What exotic animal would you most like as a pet and why?

A: …A cactus. ‘Cause they’re prickly. <laughs> I don’t know. I’d be lying with any other answer I gave, I don’t want a pet.

Anyway, the writers here at Robot Chicken made a little wager over the movie’s opening weekend box office. We all knew it would rake in mounds and mounds of cash, but how many mounds? And how large would each individual mound be? And the bills in these mounds, would they be $5 bills, $10 bills, etc.? The person who most closely predicted the overall gross would win an ice cream sundae courtesy of head writer Doug Goldstein. Well, as of last night it looked like Doug would buy his own hot fudge, because early reports put the weekend figure at $201 million. In the cold light of day however, when the analysts posted their final calculations, it was Seth Green who took the brass ring. His guess came closest to the $207 million total. (See all our guesses in the posted picture)

Here’s the lesson I take from all of this: don’t bother trying to compete, because in the ice cream contest of life the prize always goes to the only millionaire/celebrity in the group. Happy Monday!

-BEANS

Today I arrived at the studio a little late and found that our entire crew has been transformed into an army of laser cats.  If you are reading this, please send for help.  They are armed (with lasers), violent (arsonists, to be accurate), and totally pissed off.

If any of you are alive out there (or have yet to be transformed into a laser cat), I’ve barricaded myself inside the copy room.  But I’m not sure how much longer I can hold them off.

-Intern Nick

Well, by now you’ve probably met a few other buddies and seen a bit of the studio.  Perhaps you are wondering how anything gets done when there is so much fun to be had.  That’s where production comes in.  We are the fun stoppers!

Actually, we have a great team of artists who are passionate about what they do, so everyone works really hard to keep the show moving forward.

Voice records are probably the most interesting thing I take part in. This is basically an excuse for the show creators to see how many different actors they can get to make sex noises.  There have been a lot!

Q: How did you wind up here?

Well, first I went to Cartoon College, and then started working at Cartoon Network.  I met Janet Dimon, the Supervising Producer, while working on Camp Lazlo. Since she’s awesome, and Robot Chicken is awesome, I just had to work here.

Q: If you could change your name, what would you change it to and why?

When I was little, I really wanted to change my name to Flower.  I’m glad my parents made me stick with the name I have.

Some of these folks are animators, but the majority are not. Like America, our diversity makes us strong. And each department has a different, but equally important role. Today, let us honor the Set Department.

In only three short months, the set department has produced or refurbished over 75 sets, and built literally hundreds of tiny props. On top of this, there are 14 animation stages that constantly need their attention. Like 14 tiny piglets, pining for their mother’s affection, the Set Department provides its nourishing teets for these hungry young mouths.

So the next time you watch Robot Chicken, remember, there is more than meets the eye. And God bless America!

We often gather around the fireplace for a reading of our latest works of literature.

And now, a little something we like to call…

An Ode to Puppets

Oh, puppet…with skin so fair
I didn’t know you could bend there
Conjuring strange creatures that lurk in dark stages
Ready for the light, tiny parts glued, popped into place
An amalgam of voices, blood, emotions, music, hands, decisions, failures – a humble retelling
Big room with medium sized people…making small people pose
Through our own perceptions we replicate existence
I tenderly patch the holes I so carelessly drilled through your head
Pins and lollipops this silicone’s eveverywhere
Thy beginning was but a flicker of light in the maker’s eye
Thy creation, full of toil with oft a curse flung to the wind
But thy life…
Thy life shall bring delight
Thy life shall fill a void
Thy life shall be our life
Give and stitch and bend and paint, what a happy life we live
That moment when you drill too far into the puppet’s head…

The Robot Chicken Nerd, Humping Robot and more will be paired with the world’s most iconic and amazing heroes, plus Aquaman. Joining the fray is DC Entertainment Chief Creative Officer and frequent Robot Chicken collaborator Geoff Johns, who knows a thing or two about superhero hokey-pokery.

Your all-star cast will include Seth Green as Batman & Robin (as well as the eternally put-upon Aquaman), Paul Reubens as The Riddler, Neil Patrick Harris as Two-Face, Alfred Molina as Lex Luthor, Nathan Fillion as the Green Lantern, Megan Fox as Lois Lane, and Breckin Meyer as Superman, as well as Abe Benrubi, Alex Borstein, Clare Grant, Tara Strong, Matt Senreich, Tom Root, and America’s sweetheart, Zeb Wells.

Start prepping those inaccuracy-attacking forum posts now, gentlemen. It’s a long wait until Fall.

Today we will take you inside the “Executive Office” of two very successful and stylish Executive Producers (Harv n’ Towner), showcasing their “Executive Must-Haves” of this season.

SELF-PORTRAIT
The self-portrait is a classic necessity for any person of importance. This timeless masterpiece was commissioned in honor of… our EP’s honor. It is always healthy to feed one’s ego with paintings or mini statues of oneself.

EXECUTIVE CHAIR
Every EP needs a fashionable, yet comfortable office chair. These chairs are a rich, deep, velvety mahogany, handcrafted to fit the body shape of its owner to ensure the ultimate sitting experience.

FAUX FUR RUG
Faux fur is the new fur. These beautiful rugs are made exclusively for our EP’s by the wood dwelling tribes of Rock Springs, Colorado.
Along with adding character to the room, this rug alerts interviewees and pitchers that this is a serious & sometimes dangerous place - beware the bear.

ANTIQUE LAMP
In order to give the impression of great importance, you must surround yourself with artifacts of great importance. For example, this antique Smurf Lamp, est. 1981-ish. Our EP’s had this lamp imported from eBay, an island of the coast of Vancouver.

MEMORABILIA
Whether its football or action heroes, antique memorabilia adds class to any “Executive” Office and reflects passion, success, hope and friendly competitiveness.
Tip! Mention the Packers or Broncos in this space and you may just be able to turn those frowns upside down!

EXOTIC TREATS
When entertaining clients in your office, always serve the most elegant treats. Doritos and fancy chocolates are a thing of the past. The future? Mini Sausages; individually wrapped, and unrefrigerated.

-Written by Sofia & Leigh, the Assistants on Style